30 Days of Great Sex

Step 2: Foreplay, New-Millennium Style

In another part of this journal, write down your vision for a successful sexual relationship -- its qualities and characteristics. You may want to discuss this with your partner before you attempt to make your list. For example, do you want to have partner sex daily with multiple orgasms or are you satisfied to have sex on the full moon and not fall asleep during the act? (You get the picture.) Having a vision for what you want in a sexual relationship will help to guide you and keep you on track. That way, you'll know when you have reached your goals and know how to tell when you are far afield from your pursuits. As you grow in your sexual relationship, you will move closer to your ideal.

Now then, it's time to explore your foreplay patterns and skills. Did you know that the mouth is a sexual organ? When people kiss deeply, hormonal production kicks in and arousal cues are sent throughout the body. No wonder romantic stories are so filled with those deep, passionate, daylong, steamy kisses. I always like the scene in Bull Durham where Kevin Costner talks about his own style of foreplay. He describes his pattern of indulging in hours-long kisses, and Susan Sarandon realizes from this what a great lover he is.

Learning how to be a good kisser takes intention and skill. Try different kissing styles and techniques with your lover. One exercise worth trying is to breathe into each other's mouths, consciously sharing breaths. At first, you may feel afraid to lose your breath, but then, gradually, you may learn to appreciate the intimacy this evokes. Keeping eye contact (not closing your eyes) while you kiss also heats up the connection. In his landmark book,

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