He secretly longs to be a coach. The coaches come up with plays, and the players follow their directions on where to run, where to turn, when to throw the ball, etc. Great coaches -- from Mike Ditka to Bill Parcells -- are part motivational speaker, part father figure, part dictator, all man. Your guy plays coach with his buddies while watching the game. He's anticipating the next play, second-guessing whatever goes wrong ("He should have passed to so and so"), encouraging his favorite players ("C'mon, Smith, you can do it!"). In fact, Smith says that he'll be standing in line at the bank and all the fans want to know is, "Why'd you guys run that play on third and three?" You can support your guy's pipe dream by asking questions about the rules (when the commercials are on, of course). Smith says his girlfriend asks him about the game all the time. "It feels good to be able to explain something you know to somebody else," he adds.
He wants action. Football is fast and intense. Each player has a specific role and is essential to winning. "It's the ultimate team sport," says Smith. Football fans know the preparation and complexity of every play (just like we know the exact layout of Bloomingdale's). For fear of missing a pass, or worse a touchdown, your guy can't take his eyes off the screen -- even if you're standing there naked calling out his name. Smith says he gets a shiver down his spine when he sacks a quarterback. Your man can feel the chill from where he's sitting. The lesson: You may as well keep your clothes on during the game.