5 Ways to Create Joy in Your Relationship

Stop Blaming Your Partner for Your Disappointments

Do any of the following sound familiar? "If he would only bring me flowers on the weekends, I would be happy." "Doesn't he know how glad I'd be if he would just take out the trash, without being asked?" "He knows how mad I get when he comes home late, so why does he do it?" When you're in a relationship, it's very easy to fall into the pattern of putting your own feelings into your partner's hands -- but it's one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

If you want to find more joy in your relationship, realize that if you are upset or unhappy with your partner's behavior, that is your response, and it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with him. Finding joy -- and releasing blame -- in a relationship comes down to understanding that, more often than not, it is your own expectations that have disappointed you. When we do not put heavy expectations on our partners, but are willing to spend time getting to know them and discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily. Other people have the right to be who they are and to express it. Of course, if it is best for you, you also have the right to wish them well and gently walk away.

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