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Having the chance to make your day
Edgar said that what he loves about being in a relationship is knowing that he can make someone else happy. Knowing that he's capable of doing this makes him feel good inside.
"It's the best feeling in the world," he said, "to see my girlfriend's face light up when I walk in the door. If I know she needs me and that I can make her happy, take some of her problems away, I feel terrific, like it's all worthwhile."
This is a particularly interesting comment, because when I interviewed men for Why Men Leave, the number one reason they said they left relationships was because they felt they could not satisfy their partner or meet her needs. Not being able to make someone happy made them feel inadequate. Men need to feel as though they're doing a good job. And they need to hear the acknowledgement of that from the woman they're with. When a man feels like he can please his girlfriend or wife, it makes him feel wonderful about himself.
Enjoying the sexy returns
Lanny had something else to say. "I'll be really frank about it," he said. "I love the sex. I need it. It's important to me. When I have good sex in my relationship, I feel happy all week long. When I don't, it makes me edgy. I love to know that a woman thinks I'm sexy."
Of course both partners are nourished by a relationship that includes good sex. And sex can mean different things to people in relationships. But for many men, it simply helps them feel loved, approved, admired and acknowledged. It becomes like food that's impossible to live without.