6 Types of Men Who Will Break Your Heart

Every woman knows that not every guy is going to be "the one." But where is it written that every other guy has to be a complete disaster? Sure, there are hundreds (probably thousands) of self-help books out there full of nifty dating advice, but that doesn't seem to stop even the sanest of us from making the same mistakes -- and choosing the same kinds of men -- over and over. Maybe it's time for a humorous approach. That's why Cynthia Heimel, author of From Advanced Sex Tips For Girls: This Time It's Personal, has put together this foolproof checklist, designed to help you spot a heartbreaker at 30 paces. Here you'll find out why some men are only to be dated at your own risk:

These are men with just a whisper of something askew that needs to be carefully evaluated. Like, oh, maybe he worships Satan. Do not, at your peril, neglect the following warning signs:

  • He calls you a "classy lady," a "special lady" or a "special classy lady."
  • He visibly needs dental work.
  • He doesn't have a dog because it is "too much responsibility."
  • He still has his ex's makeup stashed somewhere in his bathroom.
  • He swears he only watches PBS.
  • He can't eat unless his napkin is folded like a swan.
  • He uses the adjective "delicious" to describe people, not cake.
  • He paints stripes on his face prior to attending sporting events.
  • He wears fur.
  • He wears tight pants. Or leather pants. Or tight leather pants.
  • He sports visible hairplugs or even wears an actual hairpiece, which is only okay if he's an actor.
  • He suggests candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, and describes himself as "youthful," or exhibits other behavior that suggests he's Mr. Personal Ad.
  • He's bald, yet he has a ponytail.
  • He's a stockbroker, yet he has a ponytail.
  • He is clean-shaven, except for a horrid little tuft of hair right above his chin.
  • He really loves his mother.
  • He really hates his mother.
  • He wears Italian loafers without socks.
  • He remembers and tells you his SAT scores.
  • His checks have a pastel background of kitties playing with yarn.
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