But it didn't mean anything because he had a girlfriend back at home to whom he was being unfaithful. The drugs I took made it easy to be in total denial of this. I tried to believe we had something because we joked and laughed and the whole band became my friends and I got to sit backstage in my fishnet stockings.
But one time we were at a hotel, sitting on the floor, he was talking on the phone. He reached out, took my leg in his hand, stroking the stubbles on my calf with absentminded tenderness. The sweetness of the moment overwhelmed me then, it overwhelms me now. It was just a random gesture, but I was so hopelessly hungry for sweet affection that I tried to get the same from a womanizing unavailable drunk singer/songwriter. When that happened, I knew for sure that I was doomed.
Not all singer/songwriters are alcoholics, but all alcoholics think they are singer/songwriters.
Hell, just stay away from anyone who makes you chronically unhappy.
And always remember, it is way, way better to be unhappy on your own than to be unhappy with some loon.