90210 - Slow Down, Speed Up, Stop!

This episode was all about some high drama, mercifully of the actual plot kind rather than the school-play kind. But, before I get to it, where the Hell were Tabby and Navid? Throw a girl a sassy, shaggy bone, y'all!

So, in A-game, Dixon and Silver are shagging like the horniest bunnies you've ever met. Even Thumper's parents are, like, "Whoa!" She again waxes poetic about the meaningfulness of hackneyed music, but this time it comes in handy, as Matthews is covering poetry. Aspirant Oscar winner Silver opts to direct a film for an assignment. She doesn't exactly tell him, but the flick will star none other than Dixon, who is, at this point -- if we're being honest -- pretty much only putting up the loon because she puts out. Anycrazybitch, Silver is so impressed with her own brilliance that she decides to rent out a theater to screen her maiden voyage in directing, Silver-zen Kane. Come screening time, Silver's homage to Maya Deren quickly takes a turn for the Jack Horner as Dixon realizes that Silver snuck a camera into one of their crotch-slapping sessions. He walks out. Silver follows. Conflict ensues. Silver makes serious crazy face. Cue ritualistic-slash-sacrificial burning of Silver-zen Kane. Yeah, that'll convince him you're not a wackadoo! Also not convincing anyone of Silver's sanity is her decision to break into Matthews' house and accuse him of setting an elaborate trap to destroy her magical, tattoo-inspiring forniconnection with Dixon. Methinks there was some crazy ink in that tattoo.

Continue reading this entry on Television Without Pity.

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