Intrusive questions from classmates about adoption and birth parents are a fact of life for many adopted kids, especially in the very early grades. The teacher's attitude about adoption etiquette — and the information adoptive parents provide — will help children handle their classmates' curiosity. Before the school year starts, offer your child's teacher these pointers for making the classroom adoption friendly.
Making Assumptions
If you wouldn't say it to a biological parent, chances are you shouldn't say it to an adoptive one. Here are some rules of thumb for teaching adoption etiquette:
- There are neither "real" families nor "fake" families. Adoptive parents are parents. In families with children through both adoption and biology, all the children are their parents' children. So don't ask, "Which are yours?"
- Don't assume that "Sean McLaughlin" cannot be the correct name for the child. who looks Asian or Guatemalan. Or that an adopted child's family of origin was impoverished or unstable.
- Children born outside the U.S. are not experts on the culture and language of their birth country. As "American" as most of their peers, they should not be expected to serve as representatives of the culture of their birth in the classroom.
