DrBonnie: This should take the place of him blaming you. Perhaps he is blaming you because he feels guilty.
Glamourgirl: Or worse yet, men will tell you that you're crazy for thinking that way.
Viggy: If I question ANYTHING he gets violent.
DrBonnie: The violence should be dealt with because you cannot safely have any communication where violence is involved. It is simply not safe. You need to go together to get help for the violence before you can communicate.
Viggy: It makes me so mad and he says such MEAN and awful things.
Viggy: I have this awful feeling in my gut sometimes.
DrBonnie: The secrecy and defensiveness and possible violence could be signals. Trust your gut -- especially if you feel something is going on.
Viggy: Well, gee, that was comforting.
DrBonnie: I'm sorry to be the bearer of possible bad news.
Glamourgirl: No, no. No bloodshed please. Living well is the best revenge. Trust me.
DrBonnie: That's true, living well is the best revenge.
Glamourgirl: Make him sorry he ever lost you! Go girl!
Madamcoco: My husband cheated on me last year. I came home one afternoon and he was in the shower with another woman.
DrBonnie: Are you still with him? And did he stop cheating?
Madamcoco: Yes, I'm with him and yes, he stopped cheating.
9 Jigee: This is a very interesting chat. Hope there are more -- thanks Dr. Bonnie.
GMSlick: I've forgiven my partner for the affair, but how do you learn to trust again.
DrBonnie: Trust takes time and effort. Not just from you, but from your partner. Your partner needs to make you feel more secure by doing endearing behaviors daily and by verbalizing his love for you. By showing remorse, letting you know if he is going to be late, sharing thoughts, apologizing for what he has done, spending more time with you, talking to you everyday will help you love towards forgiveness.