Adventurous Intimacy: 6 Do's and Don'ts of Anal Sex

Anal Sex. Just hearing those words makes many people uncomfortable, but according to women in a recent iVillage poll, it's the number one position that male partners ask them to try. Whether you're just curious at this stage or already willing to indulge your adventurous side, take a look at these six simple guidelines.

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1. Be sure you really want it. It's important to decide jointly that this is something that you wish to explore with your partner.

2. Relax. The second thing that I tell clients who ask for technique tips is to b-r-e-a-t-h-e into the experience. The anal sphincter muscles are tight bands that encircle the anal opening and control your bowel functions. If you try to penetrate them without breathing deeply, it will most likely cause you pain. In fact, I always suggest that couples insert a well-lubed fingertip first, allowing the sphincter muscles to gradually dilate to the size of the penetrating object until you are both ready for the entry of a live penis. Remember, the object is not to stretch the anal opening, but allow it to expand slowly, accommodating whatever is being inserted into it.

3. Lube! Lube! Lube! The third key to pleasurable anal sex is using plenty of personal lubricants. If you are using latex condoms then you need to use a water-based lubricant such as Astroglide or Kama Sutra products.


1. Don't hurry or force it. The worst action that you can take is to force entry into the rectum, which is the opening to the anal canal. Sometimes the sheer act of hurrying entry or thrusting too soon is enough to sour one's taste for anal pleasures for good. If you take your time and go slowly during penetration (after applying generous amounts of personal lube), the experience will be much more pleasurable.

2. Don't forget about STDs. One of the most common mistakes couples can make in exploring anal sex is forgetting disease prevention. Anal sex can be a great method for sharing skin and making intimate contact without worrying about pregnancy, but being careless about disease transmission is never an acceptable alternative to healthy sexual expression. Just as with standard penis-in-vagina intercourse, you always need to use protection, such as a latex or polyurethane condom with either nonoxynol-9 in it to kill sperm and bacteria. Or if you prefer, use a nonlubricated condom without the spermicidal ingredient. (Whichever you choose, it's important to apply lubricant over the condom before you insert it.) After orgasm and ejaculation occurs, be sure to hold the base of the condom to prevent slippage or spillage.

3. Don't ever place the penis directly from inside your anus into another part of your body. This means that if you decide that anal play is a form of pleasure that precedes oral or vaginal sex, be sure to wash the penis carefully with warm soap and water before reinserting it. The bacteria that live in the anal area can produce infection or irritation if they transfer to another part of your body, so pay extra attention to cleanliness.

In the end, don't forget that most couples need practice when it comes to trying something new with their sexuality. If things don't work right the first time, don't get discouraged. Keep trying. Be patient and gentle with yourself and with your partner. Take your time. And above all, enjoy the fun of exploring!

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Want more info? Head over to our Sexual Pleasure: Orgasms & More message board to share your thoughts and find out what other women are saying about anal sex and other sexual taboos.


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