The Age-Old "I'm Just Not Ready" Excuse

In the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo say there's no need to analyze male behavior in dating: A guy is either interested or he's not -- and his actions make his intentions perfectly clear. But is it so black-and-white? Or do extenuating circumstances and legitimate excuses exist? Read this example of Greg's take on a common sticky relationship situation, then find out what people are saying about this hot topic!

Q: Dear Greg,
I've been dating a guy since I was twenty-three. I'm twenty-eight now. We started talking about marriage two years ago, and he said he wasn't ready. So we moved in together to help him get "ready." We talked about it recently and he said he still wasn't ready. He reminded me that we're young and we still have a lot of time and there's no need to rush. In a way, he's right. I'm only twenty-eight and people get married much later these days. And sometimes it takes longer for guys to grow up than girls. So I want to be understanding, but I'm just not sure how long I'm supposed to wait. Does he need more time or is he just not that into marrying me?

A: Dear Waiting at the Altar,
He's right. Why rush? It's only been five years. He's going to know you so much better after ten. And you have all the time in the world, right? You know, in case after ten years he decides he's still not ready. I hate to tell you this, but here's why he feels rushed: He's still not sure you're the one. Yep, my lovely, I know it's hard to hear, but better to hear it now than ten years from now. So you can stay with him and continue to audition for the part of his lucky wife, or you can go find someone who doesn't need a decade or two to realize you're the best thing that ever happened to him.

Excerpt from He's Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Used with permission from Simon Spotlight Entertainment, an imprint of Simon & Schuster.

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