Am I REALLY the right one for him?
Dear Sherry:
I know that this sounds odd, but I sometimes think that my boyfriend should be with someone else--someone I know. We have been dating a year and a half, and he wants to marry, eventually. But I can't shake this crazy notion that he should be with an old friend of mine and not me. Basically, everything he is looking for, she has. And I really don't. I know it is probably my own insecurity, but really I am not as dynamic as she, and never will be. And I accepted this fact easily until I met him, and now it kills me, thinking that I should give him up, possibly, because there is someone better suited for him than me. Please help me quell this insecurity!
Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear I:
Unfortunately I can't help you quell your insecurity; only YOU can do that. To that end, stop thinking, much less typing, comments like "I'm not as dynamic as she and never will be ..." You've got to dig deep (possibly with professional help) to discover the root of your low self-esteem. Then work to free yourself from the tyranny of harboring such negative feelings toward the most important person in your life.
Maybe you don't at present think much of yourself, but you seem to value your boyfriend's opinions. Consider this, then: It's YOU he chooses to be with, not your old friend. Credit him with some taste, and allow yourself to savor the love he feels for you.
