Am I Too Jealous?

My boyfriend of a few months moved to the area about a year ago and is trying to make new friends. He's very outgoing and social. He met two girls at his apartment complex and invited them over to "hang out." He invited me, but I was so upset and jealous I didn't go. I just said I was tired. He sensed I was upset but I didn't say anything. I don't want to seem jealous. Isn't it improper to invite girls he hardly knows over to his place? I feel like he's crossing the line here. Should I not trust him? --J

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Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear J:

Whatever happened to the premise of a citizen being innocent until proven guilty? It sounds as if your boyfriend has done nothing to justify distrust on your part, except want more from life than hanging with you 24-7. (Would you really want that to be his sole ambition? Honestly now.) Plus, he invited you to his apartment, so clearly he was planning only G-rated activities with his new female friends.

Trotting out the old "I'm tired" line was not the optimal way to handle this dilemma. One cornerstone of a healthy relationship is trust; another is honesty. Level with your boyfriend. Confide that, silly as it is, his being with two girls in his apartment made you jealous. Ask how he'd feel if the situation were reversed. The moral is, always keep the lines of communication open. Sit home alone and stew in your fears and resentments and you're cooking up a recipe for romantic disaster.

The thing to stew on is why you immediately leapt to the conclusion that your boyfriend would be a snake in the apartment complex. Did previous men in your life betray you? Or do you consider yourself not worthy of someone's fidelity and devotion? Getting to the heart of your love habits now will help you avoid future heartbreak.

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