Photo Credit: Steffman-Turgeon / Splash News
You'd think that getting arrested might have been a wake-up call for Amanda Bynes. No such luck.
On Thursday evening, police investigated a complaint that Bynes was smoking weed in her apartment building's lobby; when the cops arrived, she threw her bong out the window and was booked for possession of marijuana, tampering with evidence, and reckless endangerment. At least, that's the official version of the story.
Since Bynes has been living in her own reality for months now, you won't be surprised to learn that she remembers it differently. In messages posted to Twitter on Sunday and Monday, Bynes, 27, has refuted every detail of the NYPD's account. Let's compare their stories, shall we?
Official version: The police who came to Amanda's apartment were responding to a disorderly conduct complaint.
Amanda's version: Bynes says that the police entered her apartment illegally, without reason. Furthermore, she says she is "suing my apartment complex for lying about me smoking in my building." (Is it possible to sue an entire apartment complex? Guess we'll find out.)
Official version: Drug paraphernalia was found in Amanda's home, including a bong, which she tried to hide by throwing it out the window.
Amanda's version: "I'm allergic to alcohol and drugs and don't partake in any of the above," she writes. Also, she swears that the so-called bong was actually a vase: "Nothing was thrown out the widow! They asked if a vase was a bong to which I replied, no, that's a vase."
Official version: Bynes is suspected of evidence-tampering, criminal drug possession and reckless endangerment.
Amanda's version: Bynes says that she is guilty of nothing. ("I'm free forever! You can't lock up an innocent person!") She also contends that the arresting officers sexually assaulted her, writing that one "slapped [her] vagina" before arresting her on false charges. (Given the seriousness of that accusation, Internal Affairs is now investigating her complaint.)
Official version: When Amanda went to court on Friday morning, the judge scheduled a hearing to take place in July, threatening "significant bail" if she is arrested again.
Amanda's version: Bynes seems to think that the charges against her were dismissed. "I went to court and was immediately released because the judge saw that I was wrongly arrested," she writes.
In between rants about her arrest, Bynes also declared that she needs another nose job, and that she's "looking forward to a long and wonderful career as a singer/rapper!"
In further randomness, Bynes launched a vicious, unprovoked Twitter attack on Rihanna on Sunday, saying things like "Chris Brown beat you because you're not pretty enough" and "I almost named my dog Rihanna."
Fortunately, RiRi had an excellent comeback...
Ya see what happens when they cancel Intervention?— Rihanna (@rihanna) May 26, 2013
...and now Bynes is denying that she wrote the scathing Rihanna tweets (which have since been deleted).
"I saw a bunch of mocked up tweets about me bashing Rihanna in my mentions. I'm followed by so many people that someone is always mocking up fake tweets so I feel the need to address them!" Bynes tweeted on Monday. "Rihanna and I met and I'm sure we'll be in a music video together one day!"
Yeah, we're not so sure about that. But in Amanda Bynes' own personal reality, we suppose anything is possible.