American Idol - "It Hurts Where You Get Kicked Sometimes."

Last audition episode! One last bell to answer, one last freak to fie-fo-fum. I am so tired, man. I can't believe they put this crap on TV on the wrong day and we still watched it. That's so sick. On the other hand, getting through auditions means a free round for everybody, because after tonight the only mental illness we need to worry about is the Brittenum/Mean Girl Hollywood kind, which is obviously the best kind. Doesn't feel like it took that long, after all. Well, there were parts that felt long. Like four hours in one week, that felt like four hours, whereas normally an hour of this show feels like about ten minutes because nothing of worth happens on this show at any time.

Meanwhile, Ryan's trying to sell us on how giving us two completely different audition cities means that we're somehow getting more for our nonexistent buck. Then he totally goes, "They're two different islands, but they're pretty much the same." On one or the other of these identical islands, Randy uptalks a bunch of nothing, probably about how this is Season 8. There's a montage of New Yorkers going, "Fuggedaboudit," so you know where you are, except for how they keep flipping back and forth the whole episode so even this is a lie, but whatever. Forget about it.

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