'American Idol' Recap: No Alarms/No Surprises

"Molly DeWolf Swenson is now following you on Twitter" is the kind of thing that might scare the mess out of a less secure man -- given her abilities, connections, marksmanship -- but I have been doing this job a very long time and I like the super-capable ones the best anyway, so we'll just leave at that: You take a shower before effing hours three and four of the recappapalooza that is this show this week, every week, and you think the idiotic cliffhanger of whether or not Chris Medina has broken J. Lo's soul, Brittenum style, you think that's the most exciting thing that's going to happen... And then you fire up the old Gmail.

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