'American Idol' Recap: Simon Says

It all started in Chicago, where we learned what it takes to be a paint salesman and a diabetic mom. Wack-centric shots of the both of them make magic hands at the camera in a blurry sped-up Times Square naked-Alanis kind of world, and it's time! It's finally time!

You know, everybody always says it's the worst year ever. Every single year, worst year ever. And round about this time in the season, I've gone through that dark scary tunnel of resentment and come out the other side. But this year? Meh. Taylor Hicks and Jordin Sparks are in the audience, reminding me how exhausting this show always is, but still. I don't think it's just bitching nerds and I don't think it's the fifty-some hours of the season. I think this season just really is lame.

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