American Idol - The Search Is Over... For You

Ryan introduces Simon as "Darth Vader" and then Paula, out of the deep weirdness of herself and wearing a whole crazy outfit with pearls and long silk gloves, produces a photograph of her head and Simon's head glued onto a sepia print of little Dickensian kids. Those always make me think of how the aristocracy used to have themselves and their dead babies commemorated in those pictures, or in portraits with the dead kids alive, or represented by skulls or whatever. The Olden Times were so f*cked up. But well, babies die less now so maybe there's not as much of a market for incredibly creepy dead baby sh*t.

Then Ryan shows a Frankie Avalon performance of "Venus" from the year Simon was born. What the eff is going on here? Is it going to get ghoulish and will Natalie Cole start singing with dead Frankie Avalon as some kind of joke about how old Simon is? Wait, no, because Frankie Avalon is alive, and singing on the Idol stage. Which is somehow more f*cked up, because why the eff is Frankie Avalon here and singing for us all? They talk about it for awhile, but nobody really knows why so they can't give you much information.

Continue reading this entry on Television Without Pity.

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