America's Next Top Model - Sin City

They're baaaaaaack, and this time they're heading to Sin City! Yes, that's right, 34 semi-finalists head all the way to Vegas to try to impress their way into the final thirteen and/or catch a glimpse of Cher. The theme for Cycle 12 is apparently "goddesses," and has the girls dress up in mini-togas, take a profile shot in which they try to make their noses look as Roman as possible, and walk hideously on a runway covered in makeshift smoke machine clouds. All of this pales, however, to the emergence of the Goddess of Fierce, otherwise known as Tyra Herself. She is flanked by Spartan men and we get our first extraterrestrial comparison of the season.

Cycle 12 is full of sad stories and crazies, per usual. We have Sandra who is from Kenya and is totally a stealth bitch; London, who loves Jesus so much that she's compelled to preach on the street wearing crazy headbands; Jessica from Puerto Rico; burn survivor Tahlia who reminds us why it's a bad idea to leave your kid alone with a full coffee pot; gun-toting crazy conspiracy theorist Monique (who sadly doesn't even make it through the first cut); rich-ass Natalie; very tall Aminat; anxiety-riddled Kathryn, who somehow determines that the best way to impress the judges is to bring them samples from her pen collection; Alex the super-street white girl; epileptic Isabella; Nijah the prom queen; Fo(licia) with the freckles who refers to herself as "Blaxican"; Grandma Celia who has the audacity to be 25; plus-sized Kortnie who dated Dale Earnhardt, Jr.; Allison of the crazy eyes and blood fetish; tomboy Teyona; and Angelea, who had a daughter who died and has no business being a model.

Continue reading this entry on Television Without Pity.

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