A Los Angeles Superior Court judge should probably lock his doors, in case Martians land in his backyard, not that he gave their leader's kid to her estranged husband. Coley Laffoon, daddy of Anne Heche's five-year-old son, Homer, has been granted primary custody of the child, plus an unspecified amount of child support. The freelance videographer and stay-at-home dad, who filed for divorce in February, petitioned for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of Homer, stating that Heche had "poor parenting skills" and had exhibited "bizarre and delusional behavior" that scared him from leaving Homer in her care. Coley insists that he was the one who had created a stable home life for Homer and that his ex was nutty. Anne retaliated with accusations that Coley did spend more time at home, but not necessarily for parenting reasons. The Men in Trees star said Coley spent his days playing games, checking out online porn and masturbating. Nice. Anyway, Homer will now live his dad while his mom shoots her series in Vancouver (where she shacks up with her co-star James Tupper), and Anne will have alternate weekends with her boy. This kid has no shot at being normal.