America's Next Top Model Recap: Super Smize Me

This episode has a lot going on, so bear with me here. The girls meet up with Nigel and Sean Patterson, the president of Wilhelmina, and must do their best to impress in individual consultations. Courtney manages to make a good impression despite her broken foot, but giant-eyed musical theater performer Rachel is so boring that she can't even remember one song lyric when asked. Jennifer, meanwhile, has a lazy eye, but it's some medical condition and so maybe is mean to make fun of. But that's never stopped us before, has it? The girls all think they are participating in a challenge, but little do they know that something here is as awry as Jennifer's left cornea. There is no winner for this challenge, but there is most certainly a loser as it is announced that poor Rachel is getting the axe then and there. Nigel consoles her by telling her that she's young. And at least she doesn't have a lazy eye.

And then, I don't know how exactly to explain what happens next. The girls meet with a photographer who's obviously an actor -- perhaps from the same agency as Crazyface Amber -- who challenges them to give him the perfect photo in just one take. Mousy Tyra – you know, in character -- enters in a trenchcoat and meekly tries to be a one-shot hero to no avail. She takes the photographer's abuse until he makes fun of the height-challenged bunch of models looking on in confusion and mild horror. And then she goes into a Hulk-like rage and turns into a very shiny being called -- wait for it -- Super Smize. Super Smize's superpower is smiling with her eyes -- a.k.a., smizing. I'm sure that's trademarked. She smizes™ the photographer to death, and then imparts her smizability to the models. Jennifer, understandably, is worried about smizing. Kara has a cross smize that no one seems to notice. And we have to hear Tyra speak the words, “Turkey pepperoni or real pork swine?” The inmates are running the asylum, people. Oh, but we're not done yet. The girls then must dress in pink and purple spandex half-hoodie bodysuits and enter the Fortress of Fierce for a smize-off. Six girls win their heats and go to a five-star dinner with Sean Patterson wearing complimentary gowns. The losers are given smocks and sent to the kitchen for dish duty.

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