Ashton Kutcher May Be the Smartest Goofball in Hollywood (We're Kind of Jealous of Mila)

The joke's on anyone who underestimates the sitcom star, who is a suprisingly successful tech investor

If you take Ashton Kutcher at face value, there's going to be a lot you don't know about the Two and a Half Men star. For instance, you won't know he has two webbed toes. You won't know Jennifer Aniston turned down a date with him. And you won't know he is a surprisingly brilliant tech investor.

Esquire's March cover story about Kutcher seeks to peel back those layers. Though the feature doesn't talk much about Kutcher's relationship with Mila Kunis, it does give us a glimpse into the inner workings of Kutcher's mind. For instance, he refers to his friends as "data nodes" and "data chips," and once was a front for "the largest national sports-betting syndicate in America." Kutcher was an investor for Skype, Spotify and Airbnb, but he advises against people putting money into apps like Uber this late in its lifecycle. As for his future, Kutcher would like to find a way to expand the human life -- in addition to continuing acting.

"The thing I really want to get into is health and wellness, actually creating some level of longevity, finding new time for people," he says. "Maybe we'll be lucky enough to be the generation that lives infinitely because we'll have bodies tended by nanobots and gene therapy, eliminating free radicals, helping our DNA."

Wow -- little did we know what a lucky woman Kunis actually is! The Esquire piece explores how Kutcher seems to like keeping up the guise of a dopey actor, because he knows exactly what he is. And what he is is very, very smart.

Kutcher was going to the University of Iowa for a degree in biochemical engineering before he started modeling. The reason for his initial career choice? To research cardiomyopathy to try to cure his fraternal twin brother Michael's heart condition.

Not that he isn't extraordinarily successful in his current gig as an actor. Though he seems to know the exact quality of the films he's put out, he says that his new Steve Jobs biopic jOBS is worth an audience's attention.

"I know exactly what films I've done that f--king suck donkey," he says. "And I know the ones that are good, that people like. And I know it not because of the box office, because the box office is not going to tell you the truth. I know it because I have friends that don't hold back. They don't depend on me for money or employment. They're just friends. Friends tell the truth."

Speaking of friends, Kutcher has been dating his That 70's Show costar Kunis out of the public eye for nearly a year. That's a big departure from how Kutcher and his ex-wife Demi Moore acted, and the new couple seems hesitant to let the world know too much about their private life. Take for instance Kunis, who recently visited The Ellen DeGeneres show but skirted around talking about her Valentine's Day plans.

DeGeneres finally got Kunis to open up about her boyfriend when the host showed a picture of a young Kutcher and Kunis on That 70's Show. She asked Kunis when the last time she talked to any of her former costars was, deadpanning the joke, before the actress finally said through laughter, "It's been, give or take, a couple of minutes."

Well, we know who she'll go to if she ever needs investment advice!

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