Ashton Kutcher's 'Two and a Half Men' Character Will Be Suicidal

Charlie Sheen's replacement says his character on the hit sitcom "may, in some way, shape, or form, be tryin' to kill myself"

Charlie Harper dies, and his replacement is suicidal. That's how Two and a Half Men (CBS, Mondays, 9 p.m. ET) will begin its new season on Sept. 19.

Ashton Kutcher, who'll replace Charlie Sheen this season on CBS's top-rated comedy, delivered this news last night on the Late Show with Dave Letterman (CBS, weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET). "I'm very heartbroken over this breakup that's taken place," Kutcher said of his character Walden Schmidt, an Internet billionaire going through a messy divorce. "I may, in some way, shape, or form, be tryin' to kill myself."

"I'm no genius," Dave replied without missing a beat. "But what better way to kick off a season of a sitcom than with a suicide?"

Kutcher might have added some details to put this eagerly anticipated introduction into context, but he's clearly been sworn to secrecy: He claimed that even he doesn't know how Sheen's Charlie Harper dies. So, as it stands, this is all we know: Charlie will die in some way that Kutcher won't disclose (perhaps Uncle Charlie drives off a cliff?). Kutcher will play the aforementioned Walden Schmidt, an Internet billionaire who's suicidally depressed after the breakup of his marriage, and moves in with Alan (Jon Cryer) and Jake (Angus T. Jones) just when Alan needs him the most.

Of course, Kutcher and Letterman both know that it doesn't really matter how the show's writers transition Kutcher in. The fact that he's taking over for Sheen is enough.

"From the beginning I always said this was a tremendous combination," said Letterman. "Because you take the established show. You take a nice young, entertaining, likable fellow like yourself. You put them together. It's gonna go through the roof."

"I think it's gonna go through the roof," Kutcher agreed. And Ashton also revealed that in the weeks after Sheen left the show, he off-handedly expressed interest in taking over the role while having dinner with a friend. Two weeks later, he got an offer.

His one concern? "I didn't want to be a troll," he said, referring to how Sheen described his costar Cryer. Lucky for Kutcher, Sheen gave him his blessing over Twitter shortly after the announcement was made. And, besides, Ashton's way too tall to be called a troll.

Watch the full interview below!

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