Grodi: Agrees with Drpattisays whole-heartedly.
Drpattisays: A woman is capable of having many orgasms. If kissing the lips and the breasts doesn't get her there (it won't for most), then move to oral. Oral is how many women rely on their partner for their orgasm. In one major book, only one in four women can get to orgasm with vaginal intercourse alone -- many women need to have their clitoris stimulated. This is the route to the orgasm, whether by mouth, tongue, finger, hand, vibrator, etc. Whatever does the job. It's important to know your own genitals. Betty Dodson, my mentor, teaches women to look at their own genitals in a mirror. I do the same.
Drpattisays: That way you know your own anatomy. Then you get to check out how it works. That's why masturbation is so important as a way to learn your own sexual response pattern.
Grodi: is embarrassed.
Drpattisays: If this is embarrassing you, then it's a signal to do more learning. This is good old, plain sex education stuff.
OP_Temom: Dr Patti, what if some women need male integration for orgasm?
Drpattisays: Okay. Hang on temom, I'm getting to that part. If more Americans had good sex education, there would be no need for professionals like me to repair the damage. But here's some more info for you -- once you learn about your own body and how it responds to touch, you get to take charge of your sexual destiny and talk about your wants and needs with a lover. It's nice if he can be your mate, but that's not always available! So, I think that there are actually three pathways to orgasm, using penetration. That's English for sexual intercourse and more. The first path to orgasm (not counting oral stimulation) is G-spot. Found about one-third of the way up the vaginal wall, it can be stimulated to produce intense orgasms. Also, there's the vaginal orgasm. That's the most difficult to achieve and usually NOT done till she has her first orgasm orally or with finger stimulation on the clitoris. And then there are anal orgasms which are not for everyone, but highly stimulating. There are articles here at iVillage about almost all of this, so check them out later.