TV Recap: The Bachelor: The Women Tell All

OK, so the women are "telling all" during this episode ... not that every episode wasn't already an over-share. Wasn't this tell-all usually the last episode? The rejected girls would tell all, and then out would come the bachelor and the chosen female and everyone would rag on them and it'd all be well and good, right?

Instead, the formula is getting shaken up: The women would rag on the bachelor and final two women. Now, the program will act as an hour-long promo for the finale. Brilliant on your part, producers.

Out came our smiling, happy, so-called "jilted bachelorettes," as Chris Harrison referred to them. I won't lie -- they seem pretty content to not have been chosen.

First up, it was time to show the beeyotch clips; the catfights both petty and legit. Chris called out McCarten and DeAnna as the "bullies" in the house, to which McCarten responded that she was only being forward. This forwardness was defended as maturity to know what she was thinking and how to get her point across. Mmhmm. When called out otherwise by the other women, McCarten slung a few insults back, and then admitted that she was -- only at that exact moment -- being a bully. Pot, meet kettle.

After a lot of talk about McCarten, we were greeted with a Hillary montage, including her harsh comment comparing Bettina to a used car that Brad needs to kick the tires of to make sure it still worked. While Chris thought the comment harsh, Hillary cringed in agreement. She said her comments were things she thought funny at the time, but later came to regret them. McCarten mentioned that at least she had the courage to say those things to people's faces, to which Hillary responded she would have said it to Bettina, but the chance wasn't there. I'm not buying it, Hill.

After the commercial break, Hillary joined us in the hot seat. She talked about her exit and a montage of her confessional clips played. Hillary admitted that she falls fast and hard for someone -- especially someone as great a catch as Brad. "In fact, you cried every time you were with him," Chris said. Hilarious! Our host also made mention that everyone else heard Brad tell Hillary the "f word" (friend) the entire show -- everyone else, that is, except for her. That was the hardest part, Hillary confessed, because who wants to know that they're great but they only get the friend card?

After returning from our next commercial break, Bettina joined the hot seat gang. (Peanut Gallery: "Her hair looks great! Look, there aren't any roots or anything!") We got the Bettina montage saying her date with Brad wasn't as exciting as Sheena's, with the dancing and candles and the dress and the earrings. Hillary admitted this took her and Jenni and Sheena aback, because it didn't seem she was genuine -- and she hoped Brad would see Bettina wasn't genuine with him. Chris then brought up Cabo, and Bettina said she was surprised she even got a rose after the family visit, when she and Brad got into it over her family. Bettina said she felt Brad was judgmental toward her family, and her family was only judgmental toward him because how couldn't they be in their situation? It wouldn't have been a big deal -- except for Brad's shocked reaction as he listened in backstage.

We were then greeted by audience questions. Oh joy. Hillary, how did it make you feel that you didn't get to take him home? Hillary: "Uh, I was bummed, but I lived, didn't I?" Bettina, was it uncomfortable to be physical with Brad when he was with other women at the same time?" Bettina: "Well, Brad and I didn't do much and I waited a while before it happened, so ... no." Seriously, what's with the two random audience questions, and such lame ones at that? Is the studio audience not even interested enough in the show to watch it?

After our next commercial break, Sheena got her hot seat ticket, wearing a belt that had seen better days in 1982. Zebra print buckles should never see the light of day. Ever. Man she sounds exactly like Isla Fisher. After watching her boring montage, Sheena mentioned that, yes, she fell down the steps during her "dream date," but, "It showed that I was a real person, and we all fall sometimes." The audience applauded. Was I the only one who felt like she'd been dying to say that since the event happened? Chad came out in lieu of Brad and again, Sheena immediately noticed. We watched Chad's clip on the show and then asked Sarah how she was holding up. Sarah said she just trusted it was Brad -- why wouldn't it be? Lindsey, the model who also never knew Chad was pretending to be Brad, agreed.

Returning from another commercial break, Brad finally came out (no, really, it was him this time). After his long list of clichés ("I wish I could hug each and every single one of them," "It was the best experience of my life," "I knew I'd meet someone incredible"), Brad admitted he was surprised that his heart broke after the eliminations. He had sworn he would try to know each of these 25 women to the best of his ability, but due to the nature of the eliminations, he wasn't sure that he had been able to. Oh cry me a river.

But now, the best part: The bachelorettes got to ask Brad their questions! Woot! Hillary, naturally, was first, and asked Brad why he didn't choose her. Brad responded that Hillary fit everything he was looking for, but he needed something a little more, which placed her in the friend category. Bettina asked why Brad gave her a rose after meeting her family, to which Brad admitted it was because he was attracted to her (duh). While he was attracted to Bettina, Brad said he wondered if he ever knew the real her, which contributed to her eventual elimination.

But enough serious talks -- we earned some fun clips. It's bachelorettes gone wild! Estefania may have had too much to drink! Solisa may have been crazy! Hillary was again mortified by her four-letter-word tirade for Brad's lovin’! "So, Brad, want to rethink your decision?" Chris asked after the end of the montage. Big laughs all around. Brad says no, because he is happy and has no regrets.

After the last commercial break of the episode, former bachelorettes were asked what they thought the future ideal bachelor would be like. Notable responses included Bettina's "Smart and well-educated" comment (Oooohh! Burn!) and Hillary's "Someone who doesn't give me the friend card" (Ouch!).Then the girls were given the chance to vote on whom would be the last woman standing.

Jenni: lllll l
DeAnna: lllll

It was six to five, in favor of Jenni. Go, fight, win, girl.

Next time, on The Bachelor: The women meet Brad's family! Both confess their undying love to him!

Brad to Jenni: "No one has brought out this side of me."

Brad to DeAnna: "You believe that marriage is one time only for you, and I feel the same way."

I dunno, to Jenni he seemed super happy/excited, and mad serious toward DeAnna. He might just choose Jenni after all. Craziness!

You can bet I won't miss next week's episode. After all, even if you haven't watched all season, this is the episode to watch!

After tonight's episode, who do you think will be the last girl standing?

Were you surprised by anything that went down?

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