I blame the Internet (read: “Al Gore”) for the fact that I can now stalk the bachelor. That’s right, the Brad Womack. All from the comfort and convenience of my own cozy desk chair. Excuse me while I adjust my mood lighting … cue Barry White ... ah, better.
You have to give the man credit – he’s proving quite the elusive one. No Facebook profile, no Myspace profile, nothing. I can’t find out anything about this guy, what he’s done or where he’s going. I feel like we’re dating.
But, Internet Schminternet. I'm determined to learn more about this man. It's all for you, loyal reader! Thus, the quest begins...
I started by watching the show’s promos …to come upon a shirtless Brad in the shower. Then, running shirtless Brad! Cooking shirtless Brad! Brad playing football…with a shirt! Just kidding – shirtless yet again!
The promos took the patience of Job to get through, as between each one were stragetically placed ads for depilatory cream and Lean Cuisine paninis. Read into that what you will, target audience.
What else is there ... blah blah blah good work ethic, will make a great provider ... blah blah blah "the new McSteamy" ... I feel like I’m reading an ad for stud breeding. They call him the “perfect catch” – which either means he’s been caught a million times, or there’s something secretly funky with him. That nature itself is rejecting him.
But we're stuck with him for the next few months so let's get on with it.
Full name: Stephen Bradley Womack (formerly Pickelsimer)
Hometown: Austin, Texas
Profession: Entrepreneur/Business Owner/Sweaty, Hot Guy
Why He's Here: He says he has been in long-term relationships for about 2 years each, with him being the one to end it due to working too hard. He's finally ready to settle down.
Background: The future bachelor grew up in Atlanta but moved to Livingston, Texas, with his family at 12 years old. He and his cuter twin brother Chad – just kidding; they’re identical! – and younger brother Wes(ley) were raised in a single family home and adore their mom. Please pause for collective audience sigh ... aaaand scene. Both of his brothers are currently married. Peer pressure, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
It was one year into college that B-rad left Texas State University to work in oil fields across the country to save up money. For. Eight. Years. It’s anyone’s guess as to why.
After a stint bartending, the brothers bought their first bar in 2001 when he was 28. According to ABC, their venture has been so successful that ever since, they’ve purchased a bar a year ... which is pretty easy to discount, seeing as how they own 4 establishments and it’s 2007. So, apparently, it’s 2004. Good try, ABC.
The bars (Chuggin Monkey, The Marq, Thirsty Nickel/formerly Uncle Flirty’s and Dizzy Rooster) are on Austin’s “hipster” Sixth Street, whose residents look like i-bankers compared to anyone under 30 in NYC. The extremely successful bars were featured on such shows as MTV’s The Real World: Austin and nabbed the brothers the cover of 512 Magazine. There is evidence of establishments known as Velvet Spade and Platinum X that the boys owned but I cannot seem to find them now. They just vanished into thin air. I must be dating those establishments, too.
The Chuggin Monkey has taken upon itself the creation of a “Bachelor Brad” Pics photo gallery of press images and clips. Yawn. Still, we’ll take a look.
And hello, Photoshop! The suit pics crack me up most. Clearly, he’s a T-shirt-and-jeans-type guy. Were all these shot in the same day? Noted: An appreciation of collared shirts, some of which he may have actually ironed or had dry cleaned. Its official, ladies: He’s a keeper.
And, oh, why not ... Episode Spoiler Alert! Chad steps in as Brad for one ceremony and only half the women notice. Whoops.
Basically, the kid looks clean. I couldn’t find incriminating evidence …well, other than this Halloween photo:
Nobody's perfect, but he's pretty close!
Make sure to tune in Monday, September 24 at 9:30 p.m. for the premiere. We'll be with you the whole way through with lots of surprises!
What do you think of this season's Bachelor selection?