'The Bachelor' Recap: Chantal/Shawntel

Oh god, oh god, oh god, why did I volunteer to fill in on The Bachelor? What was I thinking? I don't even watch this show ...at least not in public with witnesses that can use this recap to prove my mental instability and take control of my assets. Good thing I don't have any assets, eh? Damn you, Daniel! You vacationing mofo. Yarf, let's just get through this together, okay? Hold me?

When Brad wakes up in New York City, there are only four women left. The rest he has tossed aside like day old egg rolls, dirty diapers, and used Daisy razors. Brad takes us on a tour of his remaining ladyfolk in case you haven't been watching (or like to keep up the charade that you haven't been watching) and need the refresher. First is Chantal.

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