Baywatch: Schadenfreude Edition

Did y’all hear? A once-H-O-T Baywatch babe is now F-A-T. Nope, it’s not Pamela Anderson (though she gets into her fair share of antics). And it’s not David Hasselhoff (though he’s no saint either.)

It’s Nicole Eggert! (Wild applause from the jealous and catty section of the audience.) Here’s what she looked like while filming the Drama of the Red Bathing Suit...and here she is now, As luck would have it, also in a red bathing suit for even easier mockery.

While Eggert isn’t obese or even really all that big, the excess skin around her middle screams out “Fall from grace!” and invites jeers from all of us who have spent our entire lives stewing as trim, cellulite-free blondettes gallop down the beach, be it on TV or in real life. It’s Schadenfreude at its best - pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. And though it’s not pretty, it does exist and is the basic reason we read magazines like US Weekly or Star or OK! Yeah, it’s heartwarming to read about rich babies being born but much more satisfying to read about former models who can’t lose the baby weight.

The fallen angel actress has fought back in a cheeky Funny Or Die Video – watch it here. In the meantime, I’ve put together a list of five other Schadenfreude-fueled headlines we bitchy readers would eat up with a spoon:

Megan Fox’s Birth Certificate Confirms Her Real Name is Bertha Miffleschmirtz Bigginbottom
.

Cindy Crawford’s Dermatologist Speaks Out: It’s A Zit, Not A Mole
.

Jessica Simpson Admits: They’re Implants
.

Angelina Jolie’s “Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit” Tattoo Actually Means “I Like To Eat Stinky Cheese.”

Blake Lively Had Leg-Lengthening Surgery; Is Technically Only 4’7”
 

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