Be Honest: Are You Really That into Him?

Ego Trip

You were not that into him but, somewhere along the line, your ego got involved, and then you needed him to be into you. Perhaps you just wanted the attention and were then baffled when he pulled away. Or maybe you became so into making him like you that you got into a relationship just so you could validate yourself. But what happened next? Well, maybe it went nowhere, and you were back on the dismal dating cycle.

Or, perhaps for better or worse, you actually started to like him and found yourself falling for him. If the feelings were reciprocated, and there turned out to be more to this guy than initially met the eye, then great, you may be on your way to something meaningful and real. But if he's everything you ever thought he wasn't and less, you're bound to feel worse for the time and energy you've spent pretending you were into him in the first place.

Raise (Your Standards) and Reach (for Love)

Let go of the ego: If you're into him just because you need him to be into you, you're letting your ego drive your decisions. And while you can never entirely remove your ego from your dating life, don't let it run (or ruin) it.

Don't play the game: If you're just in it because he's chasing you, then you're playing the game as well. Instead, use good sportsmanship and have enough confidence to bow out and send him on his way.

After the fall: Even if you think you're not into him, you may be falling harder than you think. Be on the lookout for telltale signs. And if the feelings aren't being reciprocated, remind yourself about what you didn't see in him in the first place and get the hell out while the going is still good.

Don't play it completely safe: If you're sticking with guys who you're not into simply because there is less at risk, you're lowering your standards. To get what you really deserve, you'll have to put something on the line.

From the book Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either. Copyright © 2005 Ian Kerner. Reprinted with permission from Harper Collins Publishers, New York, NY.
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