Step 2: How to Turn on Your Man

You are about to learn how to make your man incredibly happy in bed from head to toe, start to finish, and then some. The goal of this Love Lesson is to give you the skills, knowledge and inspiration to revive your sex life -- and boost your sex drive!

Step 2 is devoted to turning on your man. Yes, I know. Isn't that HIS job? Well, yes, if you consider that it is each person's own responsibility to become aroused, stay tuned in and reach his or her pleasure capacity. It sounds simple, but the truth is that when it comes to getting excited, everyone is different. When you truly understand each other's unique fantasies, you will truly enjoy your time together in bed -- trust me!

Discovering His Desires
One of the first steps in the sexual process of pleasing your man is the start up phase. Let's call this the beginning of male arousal. To become the sexual siren that you want to be -- and the one that he can't resist -- I suggest that you talk together about what turns him on. That way you'll really know what it takes for each of you to be ready for and excited about sex. For example, I counseled one couple whose ideas about foreplay differed -- he always wanted his partner to "talk dirty" to him while she always wanted him to give her a back massage. Until they could learn how to integrate their different arousal styles, things were rather rocky. But once they accepted the fact that each of them liked different forms of foreplay, they learned how to combine both of those techniques into their pattern. Now they often begin with a lovely backrub, say in the tub with candles to enhance the mood, and then when they get to the bedroom, she whispers sweet naughty things into his ready ears.

Ready to find out how to get your guy in the mood? Let's begin with a foreplay fill in, then try a turn-on checklist. The checklist is a method that I use as a sexologist to help couples determine the course of action we should take to improve their sexual satisfaction. Ask your man to take five minutes to fill out the following checklists or use these as fun little exercises to do together (maybe over coffee after dinner, but not in bed). The idea here is to get a clear view of what does and doesn't turn him on. Here's your chance to find out what your man likes and what works to arouse him.

On the next page: 32 ways to make him go wild!

Foreplay Fill-In
Ready to find out what your man loves most about making love -- and everything that comes before it? Have him fill in the blanks or read each sentence aloud and ask him to finish each one. You might be surprised with his answers, but you'll definitely have fun!

  1. My favorite place to kiss my partner is ___________.
  2. The song (or music) that really gets me in the mood is _________.
  3. I can't keep my eyes off my partner when she wears _________.
  4. The most erotic part of my partner's body is her _________.
  5. It sounds crazy but when my partner _________, it drives me wild!

Turn-Ons Checklist:
Now that you're warmed up to the idea of sharing your sexual preferences, and have your partner check off each one that applies to him here.

The following gets me in the mood for sex:

___Hugging my partner
___Dancing with my partner
___Sharing a romantic evening with my partner
___Connecting with my partner in a nonsexual way (cooking together, talking, taking a walk together, etc.)
___Knowing my partner is in the mood for lovemaking
___When my partner kisses my body (shoulders, neck, stomach, etc.)
___Just thinking about being with my partner in bed
___Seeing my partner dressed up in lingerie
___Giving a massage to my partner
___Receiving a backrub from my partner
___Seeing my partner naked
___Taking a bath with my partner
___Telling my partner my sexual fantasies
___Looking at porn magazines
___Watching erotic/porno videos
___Going to exotic dance clubs
___Participating in phone sex together
___Seeing my partner aroused/excited/turned on
___Feeling my partner's body next to me
___Hearing my partner "talk dirty" to me
___Kissing my partner
___Touching my partner's breasts
___Touching my partner's genitals
___Having my penis touched/stimulated by partner's hand
___Having my penis touched/stimulated by partner's mouth
___Trying S&M play with my partner
___Almost anything

On the next page: Homework for HOT nights.

Testing Out Tempting New Ideas
As you can see the list could be endless because the human capacity for pleasure and arousal is as vast as your imagination -- and your nerve! No wonder it's often so hard to guess at what makes your partner tick. But once you have a checklist that spells out exactly what gets him excited, you can decide how to proceed as a couple. You may even want to experiment with some of the turn-ons he checked off that you have never tried. For example, if watching porn is a turn-on for him, you might consider finding videos that get you both involved, such as the couples-oriented videos from Candida Royalle at

Homework for Hot Nights
Take some time this week to assess your man's arousal wish list. Feel free to talk about them together, and once you've got all of his secret startups revealed on the master list, jot them down on small pieces of paper, drop into a jar or box, to be picked out when you're both in the mood. (Think of it as a whole new spin on charades!)

The next step in this week's lesson is simple. Either pick two turn-ons from the jar or box or simply look at the list to decide on two of them that you would like to practice over the next few days. When you reach the end of the week, start a journal or visit my Ask the Sex Coach message board and write down three highlights of your week together, including what you learned about your man.

And if you want to take this lesson one step further, revisit the fill in area and checklist again. Only this time, share YOUR thoughts. No matter what move puts you in the mood, the first step in sexual satisfaction is telling your partner what you want from him. This may be just what you need as a couple to unleash the fantasies!

Move on to Hot Techniques for Your Hands

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