Step 3: Hot Techniques for Your Hands

Like the tips for turning on your man, this lesson is going to take you to new places -- and to greater heights of pleasure, starting at your own fingertips. Yes, hands are one of the most important ways of saying "I love (or lust) you" to a man. Plus, knowing what to do with your hands in bed can not only increase your partner's pleasure but also make lovemaking easier and more enjoyable for you.

Let's take a look at the three levels of manual touch: caressing, massage and the most hard-to-perfect move of all, the hand job. The first two, caressing and massage, are both on the softer side. Funny, isn't it? Even though these techniques usually get you both in the mood for sex, they're not a direct hit when it comes to achieving an orgasm. Instead, they're a sensuous way to create good feelings and make foreplay a sizzling experience for you both. In fact, when my clients report that they have lost their ability to truly connect with each other, I recommend exercises that will allow them to slow down, breathe and just touch each other's skin -- all over. This is a wonderful way to reconnect with the essence of each other, without the performance pressures of the sexual act. I find that couples often rekindle their feelings of romance or authentic loving through massage and then can regain their lust later, sometimes even 10 minutes into that same evening.

On the next page: Wow him with your magic hands -- 3 steamy exercises!

Putting Your Hands to Work

Here are three of my best tips for creating a truly sensual evening with your partner. Bring this Love Lesson to life by experimenting with one or trying all three.

Exercise 1: Backrub for One
Make a pact with your sweetie that you will give him a backrub one night this week. Develop a tempting technique by using a simple range of motions, such as sliding your hand around the skin, pushing into the shoulders (to release tension) and tickling him lightly. Another tantalizing treat is to reenact the childhood game of writing little sayings to him, such as "I adore you," with your fingers on his back, asking him to decode each letter as you go. And finally, be sure to softly caress your partner whenever you get the urge -- stroke his face before bed, rub his arm as you watch TV together. Unconditional touch like this is a good foundation for showing him how much you care. Plus it creates a nice foundation for the way that he thinks about your hands -- and what they have to offer.

Exercise 2: Sensual Massage
Set aside one special night this week to indulge him in non-sexual touch. In fact, not being sexual sometimes builds erotic desire so much that the fire rages when you're ready for it later. Try this technique: First create a soothing atmosphere. The usual routine of candles around the room, New Age music such as the new CD Eros by Chris Spheeris and a little aromatherapy stand with oils burning will work wonders. For an extra treat, buy some high-quality massage oils such as a natural vanilla or lavender. But no matter what ingredients you choose, don't forget that the most important object is you.

Once you've got your seduction scene all set up, have him take a relaxing shower and then lie on the bed. The floor is fine too, as long as he's on a fluffy towel with cushy pillows for his feet and head. Pour some oil into your hand and rub him gently all over his body. As you allow him to relax, feel your energies penetrate him. Guide him to breathe deeply and let him experience your soothing and loving touch, stroke by stroke.

On the next page: Hand jobs -- learn a surefire technique once and for all!

Exercise 3: The Good Old "Hand Job"
If there is one thing that men love but women often shy away from, it's this. Want to learn the surefire technique once and for all? The secret of hand job success is simple: Ask your guy to show you his own pattern of self-pleasuring or masturbation, then copy his moves for a repeat performance that he'll love. Or if either one of you is uncomfortable with you watching him, ask him to guide your hand instead. The point here is that arousal techniques are different for everyone and some men really have a personal sexual pattern or style that is all their own. For example, one man may enjoy an up-and-down motion followed by a ring-around-the-rosie. But another might prefer a sliding motion just before a twisting curve. Of course, what he does for himself may not be exactly what he wants you to do for him, so don't be afraid to ask him about what works best for him. In the end it all depends on his unique tastes and what makes him respond to your touch.

Frankly, most men, unless they are highly anxious or ambivalent about having a woman use her hands on him, find this form of sexual expression a top choice. But this move also benefits the woman for three reasons. First, it doesn't entail as much energy from your body as other sexual techniques often do. Plus (and contrary to what you might think), giving manual stimulation to a male partner and allowing him to simply "receive" provides a platform for empowering a woman and letting the man relax. This is one move where you're definitely in charge. And many women really get turned on doing this, which is a pretty good reason to do it too.

One last thing to consider: Just as with other sexual behaviors, practice helps. So if you are too shy to try this move on a live model (and you're certainly not alone on this), practice on a cucumber or banana. You will soon develop your skills, and believe it or not, eventually this will be a gift that you love to give. Just remember, the key to successful manual sex is to ask what your partner likes, give it and let the results happen as they may.

Be sure to also check out the next step of the Be Incredible in Bed Love Lesson. Dr. Patti makes oral sex simple -- really!

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