Step 4: The Secrets of Oral Pleasure

Starting Out
In the first steps of this workshop, we moved from the sensuous stage of arousal to pleasing your man with your hands. But if there is one thing that men clamor for more and more of, it's oral stimulation. And this week you are going to learn three easy techniques that will create pleasure for your partner -- and make you feel even more confident in bed.

Oral delight comes in two distinct ways. The first is the obvious: kissing. I wish there were a school, other than my own coaching, to teach men and women how to be good kissers, because this is the initiation of the sexual process. Kissing brings couples close, allowing direct eye contact and shared breathing -- a natural connectivity that's a must for foreplay. However, my female clients always report that kissing is the one thing that is missing in their foreplay. Start there to light his fire and yours. If your man pushes away at intimate kissing, that may be a signal that he is ambivalent about closeness or feels inadequate at it. Assure him that together you can share what you like and don't like in the kissing department, especially if you have some exercises to try or a great video to watch as your teaching guide. For example, you might try licking the rim of your man's mouth or darting your tongue inside to touch his tongue. Both of these moves can provoke ecstasy. My favorite video featuring the best kissing demonstrations is still Kama Sutra: Ancient Secrets of Love. Experiment, be brave, and open up for some smooching.

Oral Sex Made Simple

The second way to create oral pleasure for your partner is also pretty clear but often not as easy: oral sex. Many women are literally scared of oral sex. Why? My clients often tell me that they are afraid of choking, doing it wrong or not knowing if he really likes what they are doing. Then there's the most charged question of all, "Do I have to swallow?" Even if you identify with these concerns, you can become an expert oral lover this week with easy-to-learn techniques such as these:

Use produce for practice
As in the last lesson on performing with your hands, the secret of oral sex is simply asking your man what he likes. If you don't feel comfortable performing oral sex on your partner, it's time to ask him what he likes and doesn't like. Feel free to take this conversation out of the bedroom if that makes you more comfortable. Once you have some ideas, try this exercise: Take a fresh banana (that's not too ripe) and peel off the skin. Find a place to sit where you can relax all alone, and practice your lingual skills on the fruit. If practicing in private makes you feel courageous, you may want to do the same exercise in front of your partner and ask for his input. Encourage him to tell you if he likes it faster, longer, lighter, here or there. By using a practice object and taking off the pressure to perform on him correctly, you can (re)gain a foundation of confidence to bring him great pleasure -- and bring you both satisfaction and success.

Find the perfect taste
If the idea of taking your man's penis into your mouth is not appealing, why not make sure he's sparkling clean first? Taking a nice bubble bath or sensuous shower together is a truly romantic way to get started. Then, if you really want to tantalize your taste buds, lay him down and use edible sex oils (such as the Kama Sutra line), sweet syrups or whipped cream to add taste while you explore his body with your mouth. Using any of these everyday items is an excellent way to spice up your lovemaking -- and get delicious results.

Vary your techniques
Once you become comfortable with the act of oral sex, you might want to expand into new and exciting ways to really please your partner. In her book How to Be a Great Lover, Lou Paget describes many different methods for giving oral pleasure to a man. Some of my favorites are the "hummer," where you make humming sounds and create vibration while you suck; "tea bagging," where you integrate the sucking of his testicles for added stimulation; and strumming the frenulum (that spot where the underside of the shaft meets the head of the penis), which responds well to a rapid and continual licking motion. Variety will get you points -- trust me! For more of Lou's oral sex tips, check out her Love Lesson, Be Incredible in Bed Love Lesson, where Dr. Patti explains what to do when he can't perform.

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