Big "O" Not Big Enough

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Dr. Patti:

My boyfriend and I have good sex, but somehow the orgasm never seems to feel really strong. He does pleasure me, but I would like to feel a strong orgasm, as opposed to a light one, every once in a while. What can I tell him to do so that I can have a great orgasm?

RR

Question:

Dear R:

Great question, and one that's not unusual. Because I do not know your situation, I will assume that you have experienced strong, power-packed orgasms with previous lovers. If not, that's another story.

First, here are the basics. Know your own sexual response pattern. Guess how you learn that? Right. With masturbation as your model for how your body works. Second, believe it or not, YOU are responsible for your own orgasm, no one else. That implies that you need to first know your own body, how it is affected toward intensity of orgasm and what it needs to hold a sexual charge. Sex is like electricity. Your body is the transformer of that current. If the sexual or electrical charge does not amply build, then the discharge (the orgasmic release) will not be as strong as it could be.

There are some techniques that both of you may want to incorporate into your lovemaking style. I suggest that you make sure that you have enough foreplay, as that initial round of stimulation on your body will help to build the tension necessary for the grand finale. Often that consists of romantic talk, gentle caressing, deep tongue kissing, breast fondling and all the rest. Oral sex is not really foreplay. Contrary to public opinion, including that of our own Prez, oral sex IS sex. It's just not sexual intercourse. I also encourage you two to talk about your specific desires and needs for sexual attention. I assume that he wants to please as well as pleasure you. Most men derive their sexual charge from seeing and feeling their female lover aroused and having a walloping good time thanks to them. So, talk it over and be sure that together you work out an alternative way of touching, timing your actions, and sharing the ecstatic bond of sexual intercourse. Adding in a touch of love will help a lot, too.

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