Did you know that your birth order can affect your relationship? Find out which marriage combinations work best -- and how yours compares -- in this excerpt from The Birth Order Connection now.
BEST BIRTH ORDER MARRIAGES
Only child and youngest; first-born and youngest; middle child and youngest: Gender plays a role here as well. If you want the absolute best match, it's female only or first-born marrying a male youngest child who has older sisters. The last born with older sisters is going to be the sort of person who brings out the maternal instinct in women, and the oldest sister is likely to have great maternal urges. The young man has grown up with girls who have doted on him, cared for him, and generally treated him like one of their cuddly toys. This is the same sort of treatment he seeks in a wife, and the best place he'll find it is with an oldest sister. The match works both ways. The first-born needs someone to show her pleasures of sunsets, rainbows, and to remind her that it can be fun to let her mind wander and do something crazy or different. The last-born needs someone to show him that while having fun is a wonderful thing, it takes hard work and perseverance to turn those daydreams into reality.
First Born Married To A First Born: Likely high friction. Either butting heads from day one, or falling into a controller-pleaser relationship. Think John McEnroe and Tatum O'Neal, and you'll have some idea of how difficult it can be to make such a pairing work.
First Born Married To A Middle Child: The danger here is that the middle-born may modify his or her own behavior to please the first-born mate. While the middle makes a good general match for anyone (except, perhaps, for another middle), she may find the first born to be somewhat intimidating and thus need drawing out. If you marry a hard-driving first-born, you may be inclined to give up your own desires and dreams to please your more dominant, first-born spouse. However, if you have last-born tendencies, this can be a very good match for you.
First Born Married To The Last Born: Excellent combination: First-born can teach last-born how to be better organized, and that there are times when life must be taken seriously. The last-born teaches the first-born that it's okay to have fun once in a while.
What are the worst combinations?
Middle Child Married To A Middle Child: Has the potential to go either way. If one of the middle-borns has first-born tendencies and one has last-born tendencies and traits, this can be a good match.
On the other hand, if both partners are solid, secretive middle-born communication is likely to suffer -- though you'll do well compromising to get along and keep the peace. Has the least chance of experiencing marital infidelity.
Middle Child Married to Last Born: Works best if the middle born has some first-born tendencies. If the middle is a true middle, he may find himself pulled into the last-born's more irresponsible lifestyle, creating the problems seen in a last-born to last-born marriage. If she has last-born tendencies, there could be trouble. If she has first-born traits, then a great match.
Last Born Married To A Last Born: Be careful here. You may have fun, but you'll also feel like life is getting a little out of control, with nobody in charge. Even last-borns can handle controlled chaos for only so long. WORST FAMILY BLEND
Only-child female and an only-child male: Not only will the two butt heads, but neither will have much of a clue about the other gender.
Female last-born with no brothers and male last-born with no sisters: Not only are you compounding the problems of two last-borns, but neither really knows very much about the opposite sex -- at least in a psychological sense -- and so wouldn't be particularly understanding and supportive of each other.
*From The Birth Order Connection (Revell, September 2001)