Bottoms Up! A Top Notch Idea

Okay, let’s file this idea under “why’d they take so long to come up with it?” Apparently, the next new thing on the consumer horizon is the negative-calorie drink. Chug down one of these babies, like Celsius or Envgia, and you apparently actually burn calories (supposedly 77 calories for 12 ounces of the former, and 60 to 100 for three 12-ounce cans of the latter).

The people who are paid the big bucks for thinking up ideas like these in order to get some of our hard-earned cash into their companies’ hot little hands, call this “value-added marketing.” I am personally ALL over this concept. I say, let my products work for me. The possibilities are endless: a couch that cures your cellulite when you lie on it to watch a beeped-over Idol-wannabe curse out Simon, a trashy gossip mag that boosts your IQ when you check out the latest celeb “before” plastic surgery pix, the SUV that zaps zits and wrinkles as you carpool the kids to karate.

In fact, you know what would be really great? A piece of furniture that babysat the kiddies and kept them entertained 24/7 so we could chug our negative-calorie drinks while reading our IQ-enhancing celeb rags on our cellulite-busting couches. (Whoops. My bad. Those clever little marketers already came up with the TV.)

PS: So what fab new product would you be willing to part with big bucks for?

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