Boyfriend Won't Return Calls

I'm 28, and I've been divorced and on my own for almost two years now. I met this really great guy a month ago, and we hit it off right away. We've been seeing each other every weekend ever since. He's been really caring and affectionate with me and makes me feel the way I've always wanted to feel. Here's the problem: Two weeks ago he left for a 10-day vacation with his family and he said he would call me when he got back. It's been several days since his return, and I still haven't heard from him and he hasn't returned my calls. I sent him a postcard while he was on vacation just to say hello. Could this have wigged him out and made him run from me? I thought I was finally finding happiness, but now I'm scared that it's already gone. Please help!--cadet11

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Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear cadet11:

I don't think your postcard wigged him out. However, since you have left messages for him and he hasn't called you, I've got to say don't call him again.

I know this is painful. I know it's all you can think about. And it's quite rude of him not to at least let you know that he's all right. However, think about this: Things may ultimately be fine between you. You can't see into his head or his heart to examine what's going on there. Maybe he has a problem unrelated to you that's now top priority. Maybe he scared himself at how close he became to you so quickly. Unfortunately, you're left with lots of maybes. If and when he does call, be sure you get an explanation as to why he pulled this Houdini act. He owes you that. In the meantime, know this (and I can't emphasize this enough): You did NOTHING wrong, so try not to blame yourself for his unsettling silence.

The best thing you can do at this point is try to let go of needing to know what's going to happen between the two of you. Focusing on the finish line is what keeps so many of us (myself included) from enjoying the process of life. You can't control what he does or doesn't do. And letting his actions determine your emotions is turning you into a bystander in your own life. So let go and leave the future of the relationship up to the fates. Take back your energy, trust in yourself and get ready for the next adventure in your life, which may or may not include him.

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