The Buzz on Vibrators
I've seen so many posts about women who use vibrators and how they can help women who haven't had orgasms. For that reason, I went out and bought a vibrator designed just for clitoral stimulation, and I've used it a lot, but still I feel nothing. I've tried masturbating, but don't feel anything from that either. So I'm wondering what kind of vibrator I should use to get to that orgasmic point. --iVillager ''G''
Question:Michael Ra Bouchard, MA, PhD
Dr. Bouchard is a board-certified clinical sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. He lives in Hawaii, where he founded the Aloha Sexual... Read more
Dear G:
Essentially, you'll want to experiment with what feels best to you. There are many different types of vibrators on the market today, giving you a wide and, at times, somewhat confusing and even overwhelming array of products to choose from. To start, I suggest you buy a battery-powered dildo model, which is a penis-shaped vibrating dildo designed for insertion into your vagina. Some models even have little appendages on the end designed to literally tickle your clitoris.
Another vibrator design is not intended for insertion but rather to pleasantly buzz your clitoral area with direct vibrating stimulation. In this category, perhaps the Rolls-Royce of vibrators today is the Hitatchi Magic Wand, a nifty hand-held model that has a large, tennis-ball-like head, which has proven wildly effective for countless women who had difficulty achieving orgasm. Check out the good gals at www.goodvibes.com for their online mail-order catalog.
When it comes to using vibrators, know that there are pros and cons. For some women, the intensity of the stimulation a vibrator delivers can desensitize them to other, less intense forms of stimulation, such as manual self-pleasuring or sexual play with a (human) partner. You can avoid this problem by doing your best to find a balance and not relying on vibrator usage too much. Personal experimentation will help guide you. If, however, you find that you other forms of stimulation become duller and less satisfying, the trick is to cease use of the vibrator and allow your body to ''reset'' to accept slower, less intense (yet nonetheless highly stimulating) forms of receiving pleasure and reaching orgasm. This usually takes a few days or weeks, at the most.
Finally, I suggest that you get much more familiar with your own sexual ''hardware''. A good primer for successful masturbation is Sex for One, a book and video by my friend and colleague Dr. Betty Dodson, affectionately known as the ''Mother of Masturbation.'' After all, we -- and not our partners -- are each responsible for our own orgasms. So give yourself permission to explore your sexuality and enjoy the journey. By the way, a fabulous bonus of all this solo experimentation is a better sex life with your partner. The more each of us knows and understands what feels good for when we're alone, the more likely we'll be able to enjoy ourselves sexually with a partner.
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