Candy Crack Corn & I Don't Care

Just came across this important breaking news flash: a company in Kentucky has decided to start making this dubious candy type in three additional new flavors: green apple, cherry, and tangerine.

To this I say: Uh, huh.

In my mind, this clearly comes under the heading of a bad idea made worse. Before all the candy corn aficionados come out to defend their plastic-like confection, let me state here that I have absolutely nothing against ‘em. They just don’t do it for me. If I’m gonna spend the calories, I’ll go for a Snickers (or probably, more accurately, a sixteenth of one).

That said, I actually do buy these fake vegetable kernels. They are just so Halloween-y, kinda like the fruit cake is to Xmas – i.e. no one really eats ‘em but they practically scream “holiday.” (I would also put Peeps, the marshmallow chicks, in this category for Easter, but those are actually 1) yummy, and thus 2) eaten – and in my house, I might add, all year round). Come to think of it, making Peeps in Halloween shapes like ghosts and pumpkins – now that was a stroke of marketing genius the candy corn people could learn from.

Anyhoo, my decision to purchase candy corn is the central tenet of my long-time proven Halloween strategy to buy the candy I least want to sneak into the kitchen and stuff myself on when I have three Costco-sized bags of it left over after trick-or-treating. I guess this year, as an added bonus, I’ll be able to not want to pig out on the red and green corn leftovers I’ll be calling Xmas candy. I'd rather tackle the fruit cake.

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