Celeb Resolutions

Coming back to work for one day after a week of fabulous vacation is seriously rough. So, for your entertainment (and mine), let's make up some New Year's resolutions for the stars.

"I'm going to try really, really, really, really hard to be genuinely happy for Ashlee. Even though she thinks she's better than I am, and she's way cuter than me now. And she's probably making more money than me, and Papa Joe likes her better."
--Jessica Simpson

"I will continue to take over my sister's identity."
--Ashlee Simpson

"I promise to buy those days of the week underwear y'all and wear them every single day. Pinky swear."
--Britney

"We're going to adopt at least gazillion more babies this year."
--Brangelina

"I won't have sex for a whole year... take two."
--Paris

"We are going to try to be much less creepy."
--TomKat

"I will not steal illegally obtain any small children this year."
--Madonna

"Annoying Meredith Grey no more. I refuse to let those writers make my character so darn whiny. I'm happily engaged now and don't need a pouty role weighing me down."
--Ellen Pompeo

"Sh*t, I don't need to do anything this year. My trashy ex-wife is sinking all by herself. I'll just keep wearing these new blazers the GQ dudes sent me. Yeah, chicks dig these."
--K-Fed

I could go on forever, but I want to hear some of your best resolutions for the stars.

--Linds

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