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Charlie Sheen went on the radio Monday to assure fans that, despite his very tumultuous month, he's doing totally great. Speaking in an unusually hoarse voice -- "I sound like Demi Moore in her 80s," the 45-year-ol joked -- the actor explained away his recent hospital visit and in-home rehab stint, swearing that it was just a wild-and-crazy weekend.
"I'm 100 percent clean. I'm peeing clean," Sheen claimed on The Dan Patrick Show.
But what about CBS declaring a hiatus on shooting Two and a Half Men until their star could get his act together?
"I'm here and I'm ready (to film). They're not," Sheen said. "I think it was a timing thing -- they didn't think (my recovery) was going to happen this fast... I heal really quickly, but I also unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys!"
When host and friend Dan Patrick brought up the "morals clause" of his TV contract -- which prohibits certain offscreen behavior that could be deemed damaging to the show -- Sheen was totally dismissive.
"Yeah, blah blah, nit pick, nit pick," he said. "I haven't read it, but I don't think it covers, 'Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.'"
So his personal life is totally in control, then? Sheen seems to think so.
"Today, I'll stay like this," he resolved. "I'm having a ball. I am enjoying every moment."
However, Sheen did stop short of declaring himself sober. "I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree," he said. "It's inauthentic; it's not who I am. I didn't drink for 12 years and, man, that first one, Dan, wow."
Sheen even dismissed the AA philosophy, despite the fact that his own father, Martin Sheen, is a recovering alcoholic.
"These guys are sober for 20 years (and they say), 'I'm an alcoholic,'" he laughed. "Bro, you haven't had a drink in 20 years! What are you talking about?"
In light of his arrests, hospitalizations, and repeated accusations of mistreating women, Sheen's joking attitude seems a bit cavalier. Not only does he appear to be a danger to himself and others, but he has four very young children who still need their father.
So why does Charlie drink, despite all of this? "It tends to do with boredom," he says. "It's about wanting to make things better -- whether it's real or imagined."
Whether or not you believe those rumors about his drug use, Sheen basically just admitted he's an alcoholic; the inability to have fun without alcohol is one of the textbook signs. We hope for the sake of his two families that he's really on the road to recovery.
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