WATCH: Did Charlie Sheen "Win" at His Comedy Central Roast?

The actor endures jokes about his drug use, his criminal record and his soft spot for prostitutes -- and says that he's "already won"

On Saturday night, a huge crowd gathered in Los Angeles to hurl insults at Charlie Sheen. No, it wasn't another installment of his Violent Torpedo of Truth tour; this was the taping of Sheen's Comedy Central roast, which will air on Sept. 19 (the same night as the premiere of the Charlie-free Two and a Half Men on CBS). A group of nine roasters -- including William Shatner, Mike Tyson, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane and Private Practice's Kate Walsh -- threw some brutal barbs at 46-year-old Sheen, making fun of his drug use, criminal record and, of course, his infamous media meltdown. Below are a couple of preview clips from the roast, as well as a rundown of some of the best jokes, as collected by bloggers in the audience.



"Charlie, if you're 'winning,' something is wrong with the scoreboard. If you're winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns -- don't you want to live to see their first 12 steps?" -- comedian Jeffrey Ross

 

"You're just like Bruce Willis -- you were big in the '80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher." -- comedian Amy Schumer

"How do you get fired from Two and a Half Men? Do they haul you in and say, 'Sorry, you don't suck enough?'" -- Seth MacFarlane
 



"It's amazing -- after abusing your lungs, liver and kidneys, the only thing you've had removed is your kids." -- Kate Walsh

 

And finally, there was Jackass star Steve-O, whose joke was slamming his face into Mike Tyson's fist until he broke his nose. (Perhaps a metaphor for the way Sheen lives his life these days?)

So how did Charlie take all of this? Predictably, he had nothing but good things to say... about himself.

"Once again, I have come out unscathed," Sheen said in his obligatory final speech. "You can't hurt me. Hell, I can't even hurt me. Drugs couldn't kill me, sex couldn't kill me, the press couldn't kill me. Two and a Half Men couldn't kill me. Did you really think your little jokes were gonna hurt me?... I'm done with the 'winning,' because I've already won."

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