Charlie Sheen to Denise Richards: "No Sperm For You!"

Someone must have served Denise Richards a nice big cup of crazy. Yesterday we told you that Charlie Sheen is dragging Denise back to court to revise their custody agreement, as Charlie is asking for more private time with his girls, Sam and Lola. "I can't be monitored anymore. The type of household that [fiancee Brooke Mueller] and I provide, we should be able to decide if we need help or not," the actor told Entertainment Tonight. In addition to unsupervised visits, Charlie wants, "an extra weekend per month, the ability to hire my own nanny or child care provider and no phone calls to the house unless there is a medical emergency...I don't want to interrupt my time with the girls to run to the phone."

In addition to the custody issue, Charlie is saying that the stories that nutty Denise has asked him to father another child with her "are true. There is documentation that I'll show in court revealing the request for my 'donation.'"

What? Why? Surprisingly, Charlie is as baffled by the request as I am. "I'm good enough to provide DNA but I'm not good enough to hire my own child care provider?" he snarked to ET. But here's my favorite part -- Charlie's response to if he'll consider creating another Sheen-RIchards offspring: "I would sooner walk on the surface of the moon in exactly what I'm wearing." Love it!

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