Charlie Sheen Is in Rehab -- and Denial!

The Two and a Half Men star may be seeking help, but he sure doesn't seem happy about it

After his late-night partying landed him in the hospital (again) on Thursday, Charlie Sheen, 45, has voluntarily checked himself into rehab. So is the Two and a Half Men actor finally acknowledging that he might have a problem? We'd like to think so -- but his actions say otherwise.

Shortly after checking himself into an undisclosed rehabilitation center on Friday, Sheen sent the following text message to the editor of gossip site RadarOnline: "I'm fine. People don't seem to get it... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds."

Yes, it appears that the most popular television actor in America just called us all a "bunch of turds" for being concerned about his well-being. Is he right? Are we all overreacting? Let's look at what happened that night he went to the hospital under mysterious circumstances (for the second time in six months, we'd like to add).

Charlie's version: Sheen was entertaining some ladies in his Beverly Hills home when he laughed really hard at something on the TV, which aggravated his hernia. He experienced severe abdominal pain and checked himself into the hospital... yes, for excruciating pain brought on by overzealous laughter.

We should note that not even his reps -- the same reps who claimed that he nakedly trashed his Plaza Hotel suite because of an "allergic reaction" -- are going along with this story, which Sheen told reporters at the hospital. So far, the reps claim to know nothing of the cause.

So here's the alternate version that's been shaping up on the Internet. Charlie Sheen had been "partying" nonstop since approximately Monday. His stomach pains allegedly came several hours after the delivery of a "briefcase full of cocaine" to his home. In the hospital, he was diagnosed with severe dehydration and a low blood cell count, both of which indicate an ulcer -- which could be (but isn't necessarily) related to cocaine abuse.

One of Sheen's houseguests that night, adult film actress Kacey Jordan, told E! that Sheen was drunk when she showed up, then chugged an entire bottle of vodka in front of her in seconds, before doing cocaine for hours. He also allegedly told her that he had fake teeth because drugs had worn his actual teeth down. Not surprisingly, Jordan describes Sheen as the most self-destructive person she's ever seen.

Reports say that dad Martin Sheen has expressed concern that Charlie will end up killing himself if he continues down this path. And it seems like somebody from Sheen's team convinced him that rehab was a good idea -- perhaps so he doesn't get fired from Two and a Half Men? -- even as he was sending text messages saying he was fine. So the question is: Why does everyone think Charlie Sheen needs rehab, except for Charlie Sheen?

Do you think Charlie Sheen is in denial about a substance abuse problem? Chime in below!

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