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Is there anything to TMZ's report on Tuesday? You know, the one claiming that American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe wants Charlie Sheen at the judging table next season? Oh, probably not. If Lythgoe did mention an interest in that self-appointed, walking train wreck, it's likely he was joking.
But now that he's brought it up, why not think the idea through? Sheen himself has already weighed in, telling TMZ that "he's 100 percent on board to judge the next season of American Idol, but there are several conditions that must be met before he signs the dotted line."
Of course there are. Sheen's winning strategy calls for FX, the network that carries his show Anger Management, to agree to it. And of course, he wants the big bucks. "If the numbers move the needle AND 'Idol' matches 20 percent of my weekly salary for Autism Speaks, JDRF, and the Boys and Girls Club ... then the hell with it. As we say, pour the smoke." Where does he get these expressions?
Naturally, the idea is ludicrous. Hollywood's most celebrated stripper connoisseur is hardly the family-friendly talent that Idol hires for its 8 p.m. time slot. On the other hand, Howard Stern didn't seem a likely fit for America's Got Talent, but on any given Tuesday you can now tune in to hear him fake fighting with Howie Mandel.
Plus, Sheen knows how to turn a phrase. Seriously, where does he get those expressions? Perhaps it's a side effect of all that tiger blood he consumed. Steven Tyler made some crazy comments during last season's Idol, but he's got nothing on Sheen.
Sure, Sheen's not the most dependable celebrity on earth. And yes, that's risky when you're counting on him to show up for a predominantly live show. But it also adds a sense of danger. Each new episode would be a fresh chance for home audiences to wonder: Will tonight be the night that Ryan Seacrest introduces the judges, and Sheen will fail to emerge out of the smoky spot light to take his seat on the panel?
On second thought, that might not be so great.