'Two and a Half Men' Premiere to Open with Charlie Sheen's Funeral?

The Sept. 19 season premiere will reportedly kick off with a memorial service for Sheen's Men alter ego Charlie Harper

It appears that Vatican warlocks with "Adonis blood" are not, in fact, immortal. Rumors have been brewing for some time that that Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men alter ego Charlie Harper would be killed off so Ashton Kutcher could take over headlining duties. Now, Deadline is reporting that by the time the show's ninth season premieres on Sept. 19, Sheen's "Uncle Charlie" will indeed have bitten the big one -- and, what's more, viewers will get a front-row seat to his (sure-to-be inappropriately hilarious) funeral.

The episode will reportedly kick of with a memorial service attended by a gaggle of Charlie's ex-girlfriends, and will then segue into the sale of his beachfront property. Among those looking to purchase Chateau Harper will be a distinguished list of real-life celebrities and characters from creator Chuck Lorre's other shows, as well as -- you guessed it! -- the mystery character played by Ashton Kutcher.

Warner Bros. TV and CBS are, of course, trying to keep the plot points under wraps, so they have yet to comment.

It remains to be seen how Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones' father-son duo, Jake and Alan, will stay on in the house, but we've got a pretty safe guess: Kutcher gets the house, and Jake and Alan somehow leech their way into his life -- hopefully with a better end reward for Ashton's character than what Uncle Charlie got.

However it goes down, there's little doubt that millions of viewers will be tuning in to check out the premiere, if for no other reason than sheer curiosity.

And what of the dearly departed Sheenius? Well, don't mourn him just yet. Charlie has signed on to headline a new series title, appropriately, Anger Management. And he's also getting ready for the upcoming Comedy Central Roasts Charlie Sheen special -- which suspiciously airs on the same night as the Two and a Half Men premiere.

So while Sheen's Two and a Half Men alter ego may be dead, Charlie Sheen himself is very much alive.

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