Charlie Sheen's Runaway "Goddess" Returns

After going home to handle "personal matters," former porn star Rachel Oberlin has returned to Sober Valley Lodge

At the moment, it looks like Charlie Sheen is... not losing. (Don't make us say it, please.) The former Two and a Half Men actor is selling out his live tour, launched a line of merchandise, and has reunited with the girlfriend (or "goddess") who was rumored to have left him. He's even giving a little back to charity. Could it actually be that all his misbehavior is paying off?

First, let's talk about the goddesses. Rachel Oberlin (known in the adult film industry as Bree Olson) had reportedly walked out on Sheen and his other girlfriend, Natalie Kenly, a few weeks ago. Her reasons were not disclosed, but -- perhaps not a  coincidence -- she left shortly after she appeared with Sheen on 20/20. Those who suffered through the first episode of Sheen's Korner may recall that they joked about Oberlin's absence. On March 5, Sheen tweeted this not-so-broken-up message about Oberlin leaving:

"Update: Sober Valley Lodge; Rachel has left the building..., We're sad.... Over it... Applications now being accepted! #winner"

That evening, he told TMZ that he and Oberlin had a fight, but she had returned. He admitted that the fight was his fault -- or, in his own words: "I chipped one of my warlock fangs on a great white shark I had to murder. P***ed me off and like an a** I took it out on her."

But Oberlin didn't actually return until earlier this week. Her modeling agent told People that she wasn't leaving Charlie, she was just "handling personal matters back home in Indiana" -- which reportedly include taking care of a DUI charge. Sheen confirmed her return by tweeting a picture of himself and both goddesses in their official Charlie Sheen slogan shirts.

Yes, Charlie Sheen made T-shirts, and now you, too, can dress like an aspiring porn star shacking up with an out-of-work actor. The shirts are designed around his now-signature quotes: "Tiger Blood," "I'm An F-18,""You're Either In Sheen's Korner Or You're With the Trolls," and of course -- well, you know.

If you don't want to order a shirt online, we're sure you could pick one up at one of Sheen's upcoming live comedy shows. Since selling out Chicago and Detroit in 18 minutes, he's added five new cities: Cleveland and Columbus (Ohio), New York City, Boston, and Wallingford (Connecticut). He's donating $1 from each ticket sale to help the Japanese earthquake relief efforts. Which is great, but on the other hand -- one dollar per ticket? Not even a percentage of the proceeds? Kinda stingy for a guy who was until recently the highest-paid actor in TV history.

So it's a lot of good news for Sheen -- except for one sad piece of news that demonstrates that Sheen's crazy behavior might not be entirely harmless. On Monday night, porn star and notorious Sheen party pal Kacey Jordan was hospitalized for reportedly attempting suicide. There's a lot of speculation that the suicide attempt might have been a publicity stunt, but it's still the kind of extreme behavior that could come back to hurt Sheen in the end. Maybe it only looks like he's -- okay, fine, we'll say it -- winning.

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