Cmrebecca: Welcome to our chat with Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don't Break Up, for no-nonsense advice to anyone who has given up on ever finding or keeping true love.
DrBonnieWeil: Hello. I just wanted to mention that most people can "Make Up" and don't have to break up, even when adultery is the problem. Second marriages are higher in divorce and adultery than first marriages. Sixty percent of second marriages fail -- that's almost two out of three. That is why we wanted to have this chat tonight about "Making Up, Not Breaking Up." Most relationships in which adultery is the problem can be saved, except when there is abuse, no remorse for what the person has done, repeating the adultery or when there has been no change or movement. It is my pleasure to be with you all tonight. I feel very strongly about this topic.
tom_y: My wife has become very belligerent for no apparent reason. There is nothing but criticism. Sex is non-existent and I have no idea what to do.
DrBonnieWeil: Tom, are you worried she is having an affair?
tom_y: She may be but I am not sure.
DrBonnieWeil: Tom, those are some warning signals. The first thing I want you to do is to make it safe for her to talk about how lonely she may be feeling. Then, without blame or judgement -- very important -- say that you wonder if she may have been so lonely that she looked for someone else to comfort or bond with. You have to take some responsibility, even if you don't believe it, for the part that you may have played.