Chat with Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Make Up, Don't Break Up

confusedat23: I was with my fiancé for seven years and he broke up with me for no other reason than it was not working. I know he had a girlfriend not even a month after our split. Is this common?
DrBonnieWeil: Confused, two things -- he replaced you to avoid grieving for the loss of the seven-year relationship and yes, it is common but it never works. The second thing I am wondering is if he was scared of commitment, because it is common that someone may commit adultery due to the fear of being so close to commitment. It is very common for someone to replace another to prove they don't really need you. The other possibility is that he already had someone. Or, there may have been a lot of relationship debris and he could have been looking for that "hormonal high" that is called the "Honey Moan" stage with a new partner (which really never works). It's only a matter of time before it happens in his new relationship as well.
confusedat23: Should I give him his space and move on and maybe we will get back together in the future?
DrBonnieWeil: Confused, that is exactly my point. He's doing it again. He is so scared about the closeness of the new girl that he is running to something more comfortable. When that's too close for comfort, he'll run to a new person to take care of the fear of a relationship. You need to give him a gentle ultimatum and tell him he has to choose, that you will not see him if he is with another person and that he needs to go to therapy to get rid of the phobia. Stay firm.

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