PROVIDER39: My husband recently had a flirtation with a coworker, which came close to being an infidelity (he made a date, but backed out). I'm so hurt over this. I found out because he told me and apologized but I feel like I don't know him anymore. When will this stop hurting. I love him and want things back the way they were. Any advice?
DrBonnieWeil: Provider, good for him! He didn't act out and he told you, which was a cry for help. Try, I know how hard it is because you are hurting very badly, but try to give him acknowledgement for the two steps he took. One, he did not act out sexually, two he told you. What he wants to do is work it out with you. Tell him you love him and want to understand why he felt so lonely that he had to go to someone else. Ask him what he needs from you, without blaming yourself. Soul search -- have you been spending too much time with the kids or at work or on the phone? Have you been leaving him out of things, or is he going through a crisis of some kind and is looking for an escape?
PROVIDER39: How do I get over being suspicious? We were always best friends and I miss that closeness we shared.
DrBonnieWeil: Get counseling and perhaps take a look at my book Adultery, the Forgivable Sin, which explains "emotional" affairs -- that will help you better understand this. And read the new book Make Up Don't Break Up to help you to restore the magic in your marriage.