Chat with Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Make Up, Don't Break Up

Jennifertwin: My husband never gives me any attention. When I try to hug or kiss him he tells me to leave him alone. I love him very much but have found that affection in another man. I have been with my husband for a total of nine years and am not sure if I'm willing to give up. How can I get my husband to give me the affection I need and deserve?
DrBonnieWeil: Jennifer, first you will need to give up the affair with the other man and go back with your husband because if you are getting the affection you need from someone else, no one can compete with that.
Jennifertwin: But how do I get my husband to do it for me?
DrBonnieWeil: You need to tell your husband you feel taken for granted and unappreciated, and that you need quality time. Ask him if he will go for help to bring back the relationship. If he doesn't agree that there is a problem and is willing to go for help or change his behavior, then you may have to give him the "brush with death," where you must disconnect with your husband in order to reconnect. If that fails, then you may want to consider what you really want to do and which man you really want to be with.
Malacis: I'm involved with a man who is married with two small children and I don't know what to do. I'm confused.
DrBonnieWeil: Malacis, there is not too much to be confused about: You are going to get hurt. Get out now and tell him to go take his wife for counseling. If the counseling with his wife doesn't work and he is willing to leave, then you can go out with him. But only five to ten percent of men actually do leave their wives.
Malacis: I would feel bad for the kids.
DrBonnieWeil: Malacis, that is normal, because most people who go out with married men have an intimacy problem and don't want to get that close. And the wife in the middle keeps it safe.

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